As a young girl growing up on a ranch, I’d learned about the cycle of life. My first real taste of death came when I had to sell my 4-H steers. After months of raising them, cleaning out their stalls, teaching them to be led, and learning how to comb their hair for show, we were pals. Having to sell them left many a young 4-H’er huddled in a stall crying their eyes out, knowing their beloved animal was headed for slaughter. For me, I always went straight to the hayloft. Dad would come find me, wrap his arms around me, and just let me get it all out!

Then real losses happened. My best friend passed away when I was sixteen followed by another friend a month later. By the time I had reached thirty, I had also grieved the deaths of my grandmother, my father, and our first two children. As life went on, there were more goodbyes, including my remaining grandparents. When Mom passed away, it was a huge blow. Even with all my journeys through grief, I knew I’d need some help.

I learned the value of grief support when our infant children passed away. Back then, I joined a group called Rainbow. Being a part of a grief group isn’t so much about sharing all our ragged emotions, but rather learning some coping skills while sharing the journey with others who are in the same season. I had healed well and met some wonderful friends in the process. So, with that as my experience, in this new season of grief, I decided to attend Grief Share.

As the weeks unfolded, one of the best takeaways was to look for God’s tender mercies; little things that bring comfort. Perhaps it’s a song that comes up on the radio or a call from a friend. These tender mercies are ways God reminds us we are loved, and not forgotten in our pain. I began looking for God’s tender mercies and discovered a letter Mom wrote where she spoke of how proud she was of me. I put it in my Bible where I can reference it whenever I’m missing her. I also found letters I had written home, filled with gratitude for my parents, including a letter I’d written to Mom shortly after our daughter Amy passed. Ironically, I found it on the anniversary of Amy’s death. What salve that provided for my soul as I thought of that season, and how much Mom had helped me. God is so good to me!

In the few years since then, I’ve been intentional about looking for tender mercies God has given me to remember my mother. Then my brother Dave passed and another season of fresh grief brought new feelings. Just like grieving a mother is different than grieving a father or children, so is grieving a sibling. There is a strange sense of aloneness as you recognize there are fewer of you.

One day my sister Colleen called. She reminded me how her relatively new car often displays the wrong message on her console. Although she’s tried to fix this, her car seems to have a mind of its own when it comes to displaying messages. After Mom passed, a text message notification came to Colleen from a friend, but instead of the friend’s message, it was an old message from Mom. Colleen shared it with me then, and we both felt God’s tender mercies as He gave us a reminder of Mom.

Well, it happened again. As Colleen drove across town, she got an alert of a text message, but instead of the actual message from her brother-in-law, her car verbalized a message from Dave. The message? “Finally beyond the pain. I’m relaxing now!” As she shared God’s tender mercy, we both had a good cry.

Well, Colleen better not sell that car, ever! I love how God is using it to remind us how much he cares for us in our journey of grief with a tender message of His love.

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (NIV).